다시돌아와

This is just what it says on the tin.

grey matter 35.4k yushi/riku

I wrote this fic in December of ‘25 but I posted it in January of ‘26, and it feels very much like a New Year’s fic to me. I’m deeply proud of this one. I don’t think the writing is necessarily extraordinary, but I’m proud of the plot and the pacing and the characterization. I lowkey was in Yushi’s head while writing this. I also paid a lot of attention to canon events, and I probably will never do that again but it was fun and rewarding. I will say it’s hard for me to write from Yushi’s POV now because I sort of feel like I wore him out with this one. What else can I say? I said it all in grey matter.

This fic was a milestone for me in a lot of ways, but strangely it was also the first time I was able to write sex scenes without wanting to kms. They came so easily to me. They have ever since. I’ve long felt handicapped by my inability to write sex and somehow grey matter got me over that hump.

Overall, I’m really proud of this one. If it’s forever my most popular fic I will be very happy with that.

by agonized degrees 4.9k yushi/riku

I wrote this to goon to. Next question.

miracle drug 31.6k yushi/riku

Now this is a fic I feel complicated about. I wrote it in… three days? Like an insane person. Literally 10k a day. I have never done anything like that before and I never will again, if I care about my sanity and my ability to eat and go to the bathroom. However I think if I hadn’t written it so fast it never would’ve been written. I couldn’t give myself time to second-guess my character choices. This Riku is… dear to me. I put more of myself in him then I’m strictly comfortable with but I guess that’s how it goes, sometimes.

I only wish I had given myself more time to proofread and edit. This was literally written in three days, edited in one, and then posted. I will say that around this time I was feeling a lot of pressure to write and post because I’d opened an ask box and people were really enthusiastic about my fics, which was nice, but led me to caring way too much about what strangers wanted. In a way the fact that I got canceled for this fic was a blessing, because it made me write for myself again.

The last thought I have about this fic is that. I guess people see it as very sweet. I think it’s lowkey toxic. Shrug!

the key to every door 22.8k daeyoung/sion

I’m proud of this one. I think the writing is pretty good. I feel like I could’ve taken more time with it: made it longer, more fleshed out. In my previous canonverse fics I really weaved the characters into the group as a whole, and I didn’t do that as much with this one. I think that’s okay, I guess. My Sion in this is like… truly how I see him in real life. Writing this fic made me dislike him a lot which is honestly beautiful.

this might hurt 20.9k sakuya/ryo

Just posted this one so I don’t have a ton of thoughts at the moment, but I’m really happy with my prose in this one. I’ve been reading a lot more so I think that helps. I also like… don’t feel any personal feelings towards either of them, so that helped with crafting a narrative, I think. I didn’t feel pissed off while writing like I sometimes do. If I was braver I wouldn’t had them fuck but I’m not brave so I didn’t. That’s probably my only regret. Would’ve been juicy to make them have terrible sex… not sure it would’ve fit with the plot, though.

What now? Not sure. On to the next, I guess. I have some saksyon on the backburner but I miss writing about Yushi so I might return to him for a bit. I've posted more this year then I have in my whole AO3 career and it's only April. NCT Wish is doing something diabolical to my brain. I guess I'll never free be of SM idols.

Hugs and kisses I guess,

tyler prozac